My birthday was May 6th. Unfortunately I turned 39. Now, every time I fill out a survey, I belong to the 3rd group called: from 35 to 50. That was hard….anyways. That week I was feeling very down and almost depressed. I just wanted to be alone and skip that day but my Swedish friend had another idea.
She invited me to celebrate my birthday and try to cook something typically Peruvian. She made chicken, with rice and some other things in the oven. Well, apparently she tried to do the famous Rice with Chicken which is green because of the cilantro. The result was more than eclectic, it was ok. My friend invited her boyfriend, her daughter with her husband and Ed, a retired doctor with a great sense of humour. He’s like 80. But the funny thing came later when my friend’s boyfriend brought a chocolate cake. He didn’t know I don’t like chocolate but my Swedish friend made my favorite desert…cheese cake. She put some candles and everybody sang “happy birthday to you”. That was a big surprise…I had a cake, I never had one since I left my ex bitch. But I didn’t feel happy, I just wanted this event pass and try to forget the taste of the chicken. I really appreciate being important for some people but I wasn’t in the mood to pay back with happiness. After eating, we sat and talked.
I met Ed like a 2 years ago. He’s very active and talkative, in fact, he takes most of the space in a conversation. His parents were from Lebanon and he was born in New Brunswick. After studying and I don’t know how he moved here to Ottawa. He married a woman who died like a year ago. He has 3 children, until there, everything is normal, nothing extraordinary. When we sat he said he did hypnosis at the Royal Hospital and said he cured people from anxiety and other things or dependencies. When I was listening that, I was feeling my chest totally compressed. My Swedish friend never knew about this thing that happened to me 2 years ago, when I had my first attack and the left side of my body was paralyzed. For a moment I thought to ask him to fix this situation. After a week of waiting I spoke to my Swedish friend about it and she sent him an email. We had a meeting last Friday.
I didn’t know what to expect. The only thing I wanted was to get rid of that and no conventional treatment was required. The firs thing that Ed asked me was “do you really want to get rid of that pain?” I said yes. If you have seen in the movies the typical hypnosis session, a guy lying down and other person with moving a clock…well, it wasn’t like that but closer.I explained a bit about my first crisis. “Basically it was fear” he concluded. He asked me to be a comfortable position. So I laid down on the couch. He asked to close my eyes and he explained other things. He said, I will always be in control of the situation during the hypnosis, that I’m surrounded by friends, no worries about it, no harm around me. He repeated that several times and I didn’t know why. Then he said to be relaxed. I put my arms around my chest and he said again to be relaxed and I put my arms side to side of my body. He started “you will always have control of the situation, remember you are here, right now, you are here with your friends”. Then he said “concentrated in you right foot, see it, feel it, Concentrated on your right ankle, see it, feel it” He was mentioning the parts of my body and reminding me to get relaxed. At some point asked me to open my eyes which I did and he started all the process again. At the second time he asked again to open my eyes which I did again and despite that he continued and said “remember the first time you had the crisis”. I did, and for a moment I felt that fear again…but then Ed said “you are here”, then I calmed down. After listening his voice I was feeling more and more relaxed, sleepy too but never felt slept. He asked me to open my eyes when he was doing the countdown. When finally the session was over he said many things about me that shocked me. He said the session it was really good that probably I’ll need one more, that he will help me because “you worth it”. He said “you are afraid to be accepted and to be judged” “how do you know that” I said. He just replied he observes a lot. He repeated again “you got the control of the situation and remember you’re here”. I said for me it was easy to let somebody tell me what to do or, in other words, to trust people, that it was difficult to let it go. Ed said that eventually I will handle it, he was very happy about my progress in this first session. He said again I was in control of everything and I added, after all, I put myself in this cage and I want to get out. Ed said “the mind is a funny place”.
I left with a relief…the pain was down. The next morning pain was gone, there is still some pressure but I’m sure I can handle it, after all I have control of my self or I guess I have to be reminded it that. On Saturday, I had an appointment with a psychic that Suzanne put me in contact. When Suzanne went to see her, the psychic told her everything about her past and future, even the psychic spoke in Portuguese, Suzanne’s background is Portuguese. I was impressed but also it seemed that the medium was a real one. So I booked an appointment with her. On the phone, she asked for pictures of my family. I said I had no pictures, that everything was in Peru. Suddenly she said “you got a sister who died” , I said yes but it was long time ago. She said “not a problem, bring a picture of her, ask your brother to send you one”.I didn’t say anything about my brother or my dead sister. She continued and said “you got troubles to make friends….you don’t trust anybody”. Ok, that’s it. She gave 2 weeks to find some pictures. That happened, my brother scanned some pictures and I printed pictures of people I know or I’m developing some kind of friendship.
Last Saturday I went to her place…it was an old house, not in good shape, there was a sign in the main door saying to use to the back door. I went to the back, the garden was a mess and there was a yellow newspaper laying on the stairs. I waited outside and a woman left the house. It was a client. Then I rang the bell. 2 dogs were barking like hell. I said hi to the medium and we went to the basement. If the house looked a mess from the outside, the inside was worst. But still, I continued. I went to the little office. 2 candles were lighted. She said never say thanks during the session. I showed her my pictures…I must say it was impressive what she said about my family, my grandmother and my sister.
She said I was attracted to violent people (my ex was one) that I will meet a woman with green eyes that in fact, we won’t have anything but my grandmother said to avoid her. Then I will meet another woman and I will with her for 2 years, she wears a uniform, has a kid but doesn’t leave with her. She is very independent but we’re going to split out mutually. Then I will meet the woman I will spend the rest of my life and will buy a house with her. She said about my job to keep the studies and go for forensic accounting, that there is going to be more cuts next year and one of the supervisors is going to be out. The one big boss, a woman, will change the position and she’ll go to another department and she will bring me with her. Apparently, I got a beautiful future in front of me. She told me Suzanne will be a good friend for longtime and I’ll be the godmother of one of her kids. She said many things about the few pictures I had. Some friends that will become good ones. I asked if I could tell Suzanne I was gay….she said not a problem, but she also said my grandma wanted me to accept completely my homosexuality.
I was with her for 2 hours…I left the place with hopes and worries. I called Suzanne and I went to her place and I met the idiot, that means her husband. She leaves in a small house full of idiot’s toys, like a big truck, trailer, 4 wheeler and so on, things she pays and he doesn’t. We went to a restaurant and when she left, her youngest kid started to cry and he didn’t want her mother leave. I was in shock, then I asked why Daniel had that attitude, she said he know his father is not good, I think Daniel feels protected when Suzanne is around. That scene broke my heart. At the restaurant I did my come out to her. She seemed normal. I bought some ice cream for the kids but when we came back they were already sleeping. I was sad to leave them there, in the inferno house. I’m waiting for July when she’ll move with the kids…I will help her.
If this was my destiny….my grandmom is doing a great job.