Grieving Workshop

Another week gone. I will go back to work next Monday. My surgery scar is healing quickly, I feel a bit of pain but is not a big deal, since I work tapping and walking it should be an issue. Although, I’ve been very tired, I felt like my cat, we were sleeping together in bed, sharing sheets, after having breakfast I crashed the bed several times, just sleeping or napping, I don’t know how many hours I slept…I feel so tired without doing much.

It’s been 2 weeks I started the physiotherapy for my teeth pain, in fact, aren’t my teeth but the muscles of the jaw, since the bite has been changed so many times…the physiotherapist, a bilingual mother of 2 girls (one on wheelchair) with a nice fuchsia bunch of hair is taking care of it. She gave me 3 exercises to do and she gives massages and pulls some muscles inside my mouth that pain is almost gone, almost, I think I’ll need some weeks to be completely out of the woods. Again, the phenomena of paying somebody to touch me happens again. She is nice and talkative, she asked where I’m from, why I came to Canada, how long I’ve been here etc etc etc. I showed her my cat’s picture…at least somebody I can talk for 65$, 30 minutes of pain for releasing pain.

I saw my friend who told me I didn’t love myself (last post I wrote about her), she said she was worried about me. I told her that the only thing that bothered me was bloody phrase “you should love you more”…and she said “I don’t remember telling you that” I got puzzled …I don’t have Alzheimer and I didn’t invent it. Anyways, she continued denying it I continued to repeat it over and over and over again…whatever…I just told her I was having some health issues and I was in pain (before going to the physiotherapist)…she told me there is a grief group at Church to be open in February, she told me I should go. I said “grieving? about what? my breakup? that was like 5 years ago?” , she said “it can be many things, the dentist thing, the sensation of being alone, the ups and downs….” at some point when I was telling her everything I was going through she said “it seems to me that’s grieving”. I was in silence…I don’t know if she’s right…but I got nothing to lose if I go.

Since is my last week at home, I wanted to do something interesting or fun, so I went to the Great Canadian Theater to see the play “Blue Box”. I went with somebody of Church…damn, this guy is retired, super talkative but never but never takes a shower…it was hard to get concentrate with him besides me. He bought the tickets, on the phone he said you can pay me 25$, the price of the ticket was 40$. When we met at the theater the ticket price was 45$ (I saw the printed price) but I only had 30$ so I gave it to him and he spent most of the time talking with the volunteers…it was a relief for me…skunky guy was away for a while. The play was boring, a bit vulgar, it looked it more like a stand-up comedy. It was about a Chilean woman dealing with the dictatorship of Pinochet, her trips to Canada where she became refugee or something like that, her lovers etc etc etc. She tried to mix present, past and future of all the stories but I wasn’t following it her very well, some other too. She spoke several Spanish phrases for some people this was like Chinese. Also, the auditorium was full of people over 70, I looked like a teenager. Well, 90 minutes for that, 90 minutes for 30$, I couldn’t believe the real price was 45$…waste of money and time…

At the end I just left the theater without saying good bye to skunky guy since he went to the bathroom and obviously he’d like to talk to all girls in his way out. I was so upset…expending that amount of money for garbage….and I thought I could have expend that money for paying my parking ticket of 55$. Also, I watched some movies early that morning like “Chico & Rita” good movie, an animation about a Cuban musician couple which love affair is shown before and after the Cuban revolution…I watched “Headhunters” a Norwegian movie, super good, I’m not a fun of action movies but this one was super interesting, I really enjoy it….that day ended awfully with that play …and the newspaper said it was a good one…do not believe in everything newspaper say.

Next week can be boring too, despite I’ll work again, my Swedish friend is going to Portugal for a month with her boyfriend…the English guy who likes to spank her every time she shows her bum to him. My hysterectomy scar is doing well, I feel some pain in the abdominal muscles which is normal. I just want the pain of my body disappears, I need a break of muscular pain.

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