Before Xmas…. An Update

It’s another Caturday in Ottawa. I’m listening Cake “Fashion Nugget”. Yesterday we had 30cm of snow here…and this morning, snow is still falling down, a real white Apocalypshit. I got stuck twice, snow was so high and early in the morning nobody cleans entrances or roads.

I had again troubles with my tooth. I was referred to another specialist…and my nightmares became true…I got insurance but I know this is going to be hyper expensive. I’m still in pain and I’m taking antibiotics which helps but still, pain remains. I hope to have a diagnosis January 3rd.

Also, I went to the hospital for my pre-operation stuff. The nurse explained me what will happen before, during and after surgery. Hysterectomy is no funny. They put me epidural, no sensation on legs, I need be fasting the day before, diet and I signed a paper for my room at the Civic Hospital. After surgery, she told me I’ll wake up with catheters because my urine will held in that thing, hours later they’ll remove it….at this point I told the nurse “I’m going to freak out, you have to give me something” Apparently they will give a pill to “relax” and after general anesthesia. I told the nurse I saw a video on YouTube about hysterectomy and she said “that wasn’t a good idea”…well, I was curious and I wanted to know why hurts…damn…it’s going to hurt me, the tools they use to pull the skin and then, the way the extract the fibroid and uterus….I won’t be able to bend for a while.

I received 4 booklets about pain management, total abdominal hysterectomy and more things about hospital. After all that, I went to work and I was so anxious and nervous, I wasn’t able to concentrate. I didn’t talk to my father about this, just the dentist and how much I was worried for the bill….the dentist scares me most, I mean, the invoice and procedure…and the worst, not knowing it the thing they will tell me is necessary.

My Swedish friend will drive me to hospital and pick me up. Apparently I’ll be at the hospital one night…I remember at the admission office another nurse asked me “do you want a tv? or a phone?” Other interesting questions were what my religion was, especial diet, if I wanted visits. No visits expected if I stay only 24 hours, probably I should be feeling miserable to know my spectrum of social life is zero but the fact my almost gone  hormones are playing a vital role. My friend will be there, at her 69 years old will be at great help. Her daughter invited me for Christmas dinner the 25th, I guess my pseudo vegetarian life will have a little bracket meat space.

I had an little meeting with my therapist, not therapy just meeting before Christmas, I had to call her and cancel…the Winter snow was so hard, driving would have been dangerous, she told me on the phone she bought me a present…well, I got scared since her choices for gifts aren’t my favorites preferences. So, we made another appointment in January 4th. I hope she didn’t buy chocolates….or sweets. She is such a mommy that’s why I love her…but some things like expressing your love verbally is not well seen in this culture.

Now I’m listening that song “I will survive”…no choice, If I want to meet a lady…able to love me despite my future scars…and scared, I’m nervous, but I want things go fast, surgery, dentist, invoices etc etc etc….

I don’t know how many lesbians have hysterectomy…I feel soon I’ll belong to a huge minority…minority of minority.

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