Financial Suicide

Yesterday, Monday, was crazy and insane day. I had my Finance final exam that night but what happened was really hard.

We moved the office, I had a normal cubicle, with window. We received giant plastic boxes to put all our stuff there. I made 2 boxes, and I had to empty all the filing cabinets (around 8) with not much help. Some employees were lost despite the procedures and I was explaining everything, when the responsible of that was the manager, this person is replacing my real manager, in other words, this guy is a jerk. I know he doesn’t like me, probably because since the very beginning he realized I was gay. He has been very blunt and aggressive with me. So, as a clerk I just have to say “yes, sir, no sir”.

My office has no window like before, is super dark if you compare with my other colleagues. Also, this pseudo manager never gives me work to do, I just do my regular job and sometimes I’m able to do payments, well, before to make the distribution I take a couple of invoices or travel claims and I learn alone, with the supervision of one of my colleagues. As you see is a solitary work which at some point is ok.

Monday morning I came very early in the morning, at 6.30. I wanted to finish to unpack all the boxes, I emptied all file cabinets, I arranged my own ugly and microscopic office, so dark here, I don’t know if my plant will be happy here, I should bring her back home. That plant was my therapist gift. I did all the changes alone and around 11.30 am I was told to go to work with the Director General. Yes, the big boss and I was wearing sport clothes because of the moving. I couldn’t finish to do all the paper work accumulated of 2 days ago. Since I came at 6.30 am I had the right to leave at 2.30 pm.

I went home and there was a freezing rain warning. That kind of warning scares most than snow storm. But finally it wasn’t that bad, the weather is so warm for being Winter. At home I studied as much as I could. Finally, at 6 pm the teacher gave us the paper. 15 questions multiple choice. Complicate and wordy, then 5 practical questions…I was petrified when I saw the 3 first exercises….the 2 last ones weren’t that bad. I could see some students couldn’t answer that question, but I tried …and I failed…again.

Most of 80% of students did very well in previous exams…so even if they didn’t get a big mark they’re safe. Everyone who gave back the test, the teacher was greeting  them.I was one of the last one to return my exam. I just left it over the desk and he said “all the best”….Christmas times makes people talk funny things in awful moments. He knew this course was heavy for me. I went to the food court and I cried….and I’m not sure why. I stayed there for a while. My body was cold, I didn’t eat much so I guess that’s why the reason I was feeling that way

It was 8.45 pm when I was at the parking lot. I drove to the library to return some dvd’s and I grabbed “Raising Arizona”. I didn’t finish to watch it, I couldn’t sleep and I woke up at 3 am, of course, this morning I look a mix of hang over and crack addict.

So bad, so bad, so bad….what I failure I can be with maths…and I won’t say anything how I feel about my new office.


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