Al-Mullah And The Picky Lesbian

Two nights ago I got such pain in my tooth, which is not the one that had filling but the bottom. This phenomena happens when both side of your teeth, top and bottom aren’t at the same level. After Dr Marko did the adjustment in the filled tooth she didn’t pay attention, neither I, that the wisdom tooth was scratching the other wisdom at the bottom….my jaw was in pain.

I was so miserable, nervous, anxious and alone. So I made some calls to talk about my miseries…I called my therapist, I left a message and she never called me back….vacations? out of town?….I don’t know. I called Dr Marko, the answering machine greeted me, in fact, I called twice that day, no answer, for sure she wasn’t in Ottawa. I called my pseudo Japanese colleague, I left a message and….she didn’t call back. I called my father but the connection was so bad he couldn’t listen to me. I called another person from church….she didn’t answer, just when I tried the 3rd time and after saying who I was she answered: “What is this about?” Not even hi, or how are you?. She said then, send me an email, I’m waiting a call from Italy. I got perplexed…I called at 9pm, which means in Italy should be 3am (depending of the zone). I just hanged up.I called my Swedish friend and instead trying to calm me down for my imminent surgery she freaked me out, about the idea I won’t be able to climb the stairs, move, that I needed a nurse and full care of somebody. So, I just said thanks and I tried my last chance…my last call.

So I made a call to Ottawa Dental Emergency line and they said there was a dentist available that night. His name was Al-Mullah Mhandy. I waited just some hours in the morning to make the call. His clinic is a walking clinic, you don’t need appointment. I went and I’ve said it was an emergency. I arrived there at 10.30, and when I saw the dentist, the clinic was already full of 10 people, probably everybody was looking for a dentist since the holidays everybody takes vacations…this basic service isn’t offered by normal Canadians, so, immigrants had a plus those days. At the clinic my pseudo Japanese phoned, apologizing for not calling back before. I told her my tooth misery and she cheered me up. Minutes later it was my turn. I saw an old old old man, I guessed he was Al-Mullah Mhandy…undressing his dentist gear and changing it for a suit. Another man, in his middle 40’s came. I asked him if he was Al-Mullah and he said that was the name of the clinic but not his. In fact, I don’t remember his name at all, I’m sure there was a letter K somewhere. In the waiting room there was a diploma of Al-Mullah saying he graduated from Emirates Arab and another from Iraq. But this doctor I’m sure it was a relative, probably his nephew or something. I explained about my complex pain, after tapping my teeth and no showing any pain, so I begged him for an x -ray and he determinate there was no source of pain.  I explained my bite had changed and that was painful so he offered to polish the wisdom tooth….since yesterday I was able to chew….after  5 weeks, I was able to eat…sure, some much antibiotic medication my stomach is kind of…picky, I can be hungry but just look at the food I feel nauseous.

I went home, surprise of my new bite didn’t cause any pain, although, my gums were swore, but not pain for chewing. In the afternoon I just wanted to nap and I needed to leave at 7pm for my German’s friend party, she finished the renovations of her big house. I bought  a rice cooker, so, I just needed a break of my emotions when my pseudo Japanese friend called me again. She invited me for dinner. I said yes, knowing Canadian have dinner early, I figure I could make it and go to see my German friend after.

I drove to her place and she just came from her shopping therapy. Her  gifts she bought for herself was a leather jacket, gloves, boots and some other stuff. She made vegetarian lasagna and made home made bread. Delicious….yes, I was able to chew my food. But I was feeling so tired because before I wasn’t able to eat because of pain and the antibiotics put me so weak. After drinking cider with spices, she gave me a gift….the think I hate the most, the think I said to everybody not to give me as present: CHOCOLATE. Yes, I don’t like chocolate as much as American/Canadians do. It was a little box of artisan chocolates. I said thanks and inside of me I thought….”Oh, a present for my therapist” she is a chocoholic. We sat at the fire place. Yes, her house has a fire place and I remembered my grandma’s kitchen, in the Andes, a little square so poor, she used to cook with wood and push the flames blowing with a long cane tube. She wanted to eat chocolate fondue…I had to invent any resource for not eating…God bless the antibiotics…I explained her my stomach was so sensitive due to the high dose of antibiotics. In fact, the fondue set I gave her for Christmas was the gift I won the office Christmas gift exchange. An it was awkward when she asked me what I got in this exchange….Sure, I couldn’t tell her “well, the gift I gave you, the little fondue set, the thing I hated…I gave it to you”. Again, I invented another excuse and she believed me. Then I left.

I drove to my German’s friend house. I came at almost 9.30pm. I saw the new dog of the couple…who wasn’t a German Sheppard for my disappointment named Moritz. I had a great time and there was so much food and encouraged for my new bite, I ate almost everything but chocolate. I discovered there Dr Marko is also my German’s friend dentist!!! Well, Ottawa is small, too small. I left at midnight and I couldn’t sleep until 3 am, I’m still nervous for surgery and my teeth.

It’s snowing outside, I went out to buy some groceries despite I’m not hungry but then I went to my second hand store to buy some cd’s. I got: Genesis “we can’t dance” and I found a jewel from Spain, Mecano “descanso dominical” one of the greatest cd’s of the band, there a song about lesbians which was a hit. Then I went to the library where I got a bunch of DVD’s and I found other cd’s like Daft Funk, Queen “greatest hits”, The Sundays “blind”, Jane’s Addiction “ritual de lo habitual” and I bought a cd that I was sure it was Seal…when I got home…it was Dave Matthews Band “stand up” and finally, Crystal Method “tweekend” not that good like the first album.

I’m thinking watching the snow falling…that I can’t call anybody…that I’m not hungry but I need to take my antibiotic…I wish I could have real friends and be somebody “normal” without pain and not needing a hysterectomy soon.

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About What Happened At Christmas

Finally Christmas, the torture festivity of joy and happiness, the synonym of family gathering and gifts is over. For all who had not family and friends like me is a kind of relief.

I went to Church the 24th, there were 2 services, 1 in English and other in French. The English was ok, not that impressive like last year, well, last year was my very first time there and I felt great having a great time. But this time the sermon was too long, I think the minister doesn’t realize he talks too much that at some point people got lost, like me. After the service there was a break of 1 hour for the next one and I listened to the trumpeter rehearsing. I greeted him and we talked a bit. He was Jewish and he told me his synagogue was moving to our church!, I mean, they do their Saturday service there when the Unitarian church is closed. He explained me they are Reconstructionist, a Jewish branch; people who is favour of Palestine, women wear kippat (that little hat) that is very open minded and liberal. I was in shock, I never thought a think like that existed in Ottawa.  It’s known Jewish had tons of religious branches, the most popular are the radicals, but he proved me not everybody is like that. His name is Conner, he told me his mom was a kind of minister in that synagogue….women aren’t allow to have that position, at that point the reconstructionist are liberal. He answered all my questions, I was feeling I was taking the course “Judaism for dummies”. He even told about  Yitzhak Rabin was so hated because he tried to make peace with Palestinians and in the other synagogues, when his name was pronounced, people took out their shoes and hit the furniture…it was awful and because of that he was murdered Connor said. It was nice to talk to him, probably I’ll go to Synagogue, Connor told me this group is like the Unitarians, who do lots of activities in favour the community. We said good bye and I spoke to the minister about the next service.

I volunteer to do the French service. Last year there was a choir and 20 people. This year…OMG, 4 people, no choir, the pianist and the trumpeter. I did the sermon 2, comparing the last year sermon when a woman of Alsace was telling all the preparative, decoration and so on in a very gently way, also, in a very idealistic way versus my childhood in Peru, when terrorism was in its highest peak, where bombs were detonated and military tanks were on streets. I finished saying, the most important at the time was being at home, the 24th at midnight with the family, despite no electricity or water were available, that, as a kid, I felt the environment just at Christmas full of joy and it was a bracket of happiness….that I wished Christmas were all year around. After that the 4 cats of the service left…I went home and I crashed the bed…usually when I was in Gatineau or in Montreal, at midnight, as reflect act, I woke up, it was a time I wanted to skip in my dreams but unconsciously I remembered even asleep, after I moved to Ottawa it doesn’t happen anymore…I learnt Christmas is not just a date on calendar but what you can do with it, that you can do or redefine its meaning. I think I made…finally.

For the 25th….Marina, the daughter of my Swedish friend invited to her place in South Manotick very far from where I live and there I met her loving husband and or his family tree. Bill, my Swedish’s boyfriend drove us there.

Once, a Canadian told me “It’s not Christmas until somebody yells on the table”. So far, it didn’t happen. There were like 15 people, in 2 tables, we ate a delicious turkey (I made a sacrifice because I’m vegetarian) smashed potatoes, something like smash carrots, broccoli, corn and milk goose….what? Milk goose is beverage made of Vanilla ice cream, rum and milk. It was good a bit stronger for me but well, I ate slowly since my tooth is still too sensitive. With one dish, I was full. Bill when we drove us back was saying no stop “I’m so sick, I’m so sick”. Literally he ate everything that was put in front of him. I refused desert because I felt like a balloon plus the milk goose that I didn’t finish.  Next day I was still digesting my dinner, I just ate some fruit and drinking water.

I’m still in pain, my tooth is killing me despite the new medication, I just made a call to meet another dentist, I need to fix this situation before my hysterectomy will be done.  This time I don’t care the price, as long the pain disappears. I had to call Ottawa dental emergency service to provide me a phone number…I called just today to have an appointment, let’s see what happens.

Before Xmas…. An Update

It’s another Caturday in Ottawa. I’m listening Cake “Fashion Nugget”. Yesterday we had 30cm of snow here…and this morning, snow is still falling down, a real white Apocalypshit. I got stuck twice, snow was so high and early in the morning nobody cleans entrances or roads.

I had again troubles with my tooth. I was referred to another specialist…and my nightmares became true…I got insurance but I know this is going to be hyper expensive. I’m still in pain and I’m taking antibiotics which helps but still, pain remains. I hope to have a diagnosis January 3rd.

Also, I went to the hospital for my pre-operation stuff. The nurse explained me what will happen before, during and after surgery. Hysterectomy is no funny. They put me epidural, no sensation on legs, I need be fasting the day before, diet and I signed a paper for my room at the Civic Hospital. After surgery, she told me I’ll wake up with catheters because my urine will held in that thing, hours later they’ll remove it….at this point I told the nurse “I’m going to freak out, you have to give me something” Apparently they will give a pill to “relax” and after general anesthesia. I told the nurse I saw a video on YouTube about hysterectomy and she said “that wasn’t a good idea”…well, I was curious and I wanted to know why hurts…damn…it’s going to hurt me, the tools they use to pull the skin and then, the way the extract the fibroid and uterus….I won’t be able to bend for a while.

I received 4 booklets about pain management, total abdominal hysterectomy and more things about hospital. After all that, I went to work and I was so anxious and nervous, I wasn’t able to concentrate. I didn’t talk to my father about this, just the dentist and how much I was worried for the bill….the dentist scares me most, I mean, the invoice and procedure…and the worst, not knowing it the thing they will tell me is necessary.

My Swedish friend will drive me to hospital and pick me up. Apparently I’ll be at the hospital one night…I remember at the admission office another nurse asked me “do you want a tv? or a phone?” Other interesting questions were what my religion was, especial diet, if I wanted visits. No visits expected if I stay only 24 hours, probably I should be feeling miserable to know my spectrum of social life is zero but the fact my almost gone  hormones are playing a vital role. My friend will be there, at her 69 years old will be at great help. Her daughter invited me for Christmas dinner the 25th, I guess my pseudo vegetarian life will have a little bracket meat space.

I had an little meeting with my therapist, not therapy just meeting before Christmas, I had to call her and cancel…the Winter snow was so hard, driving would have been dangerous, she told me on the phone she bought me a present…well, I got scared since her choices for gifts aren’t my favorites preferences. So, we made another appointment in January 4th. I hope she didn’t buy chocolates….or sweets. She is such a mommy that’s why I love her…but some things like expressing your love verbally is not well seen in this culture.

Now I’m listening that song “I will survive”…no choice, If I want to meet a lady…able to love me despite my future scars…and scared, I’m nervous, but I want things go fast, surgery, dentist, invoices etc etc etc….

I don’t know how many lesbians have hysterectomy…I feel soon I’ll belong to a huge minority…minority of minority.

The Russian Haircut

My new office sucks….This is the first time after my menopause I feel down and really depressed. It’s a little office in one corner. All my colleagues have windows, in fact, that zone is so shinny that some offices have stalls. But mine, in this short corner, the light doesn’t come, the wall is dark red, like Shiraz wine. Plus, there’s a camera on the top, I know that points the exit but it can move anywhere. Since I’m close the telephone booth, my corner is so in the corner that the wall in front of me doesn’t let see anybody and anybody sees me. No good morning, no hello, just invisible. I felt so guilty that I didn’t want to leave my little plant today. I just brought it here at home.

I couldn’t stand the situation and I had to spoke to my manager who’s acting in other position. I explained about my mini boss who, in theory, was supposed to be in charge, didn’t move a finger, I was checking and controlling, verifying if everybody had boxes. He was going outside, drinking coffee and being def and blind about it. I said to the boss that I was feeling bullied, because he was supposed to give me charge, I mean, job, invoices and all the things you do in a finance office. I did everything alone, I was proud of my job and the rest of the people was just…how can I say it?….they took it for granted. The boss said he was sorry and I wasn’t the only person who complained about it. He promised “you got my word you’ll have more finance work when I’ll be back”….My opinion….dead letter. I mean, once he told that jerk to give me job and never did…now, he will tell another person or supervisor to give job to me….I don’t believe this will happen. Why? There’s been cuts, people fire and there another one coming after Christmas. They protect their jobs, they don’t want to train another person potentially “dangerous”. Good intentions….plus, I got surgery in January and I’ll be out of the market for a while.

I was a bit better today, I was kind of sick and depressed for all the changes so positive. My friend in France suggested to make cut my hair because it was long. I went to a place the haircut is cheap…so the cuts aren’t astonishing. I went around 6, there was nobody, good for me, that means fast. I grabbed a book with haircut styles when a woman with a strange accent say “you can come here” I said surprised “now?”. I went with the book and asked her for other books since the models were not my style. I found the masculine very cool and hot but. She started to talking to me asking me about my hair, my Christmas preparations and I asked her where she was from…she is Russian. She told me that she worked in a paper factory, that Perestroika was hard, everything stopped. She spoke with her brother who was is Siberia and the weather was -51. She told me that it wasn’t that cold because it wasn’t that humid. I was impressed about the way she told me about the war in Georgia after the USSR disappeared…”every war is cruel” she added. She explained me a bit that in Russia in the Communist years, religion was forbidden but people celebrated at home. “New year” was the best holiday of the year. I liked the way she was touching my hair, it was relaxing. Again I realized people who touched like Sarah my physiotherapist and this hairdresser, indirectly, are paid for “special human touch” . The price is 17.99$, waiters and hairdressers receives tips. I paid in total 22$. She said” thank you” and gave a discount coupon. I said “I hope to see you again”. “Have a wonderful holidays” she replied.

Was the cut nice? Not at all, my hair has the same shape as before just shorter…but talking to her and feeling that human touch over my hair was priceless and tender. Fake to my emotions…I miss a woman in my life.

Financial Suicide

Yesterday, Monday, was crazy and insane day. I had my Finance final exam that night but what happened was really hard.

We moved the office, I had a normal cubicle, with window. We received giant plastic boxes to put all our stuff there. I made 2 boxes, and I had to empty all the filing cabinets (around 8) with not much help. Some employees were lost despite the procedures and I was explaining everything, when the responsible of that was the manager, this person is replacing my real manager, in other words, this guy is a jerk. I know he doesn’t like me, probably because since the very beginning he realized I was gay. He has been very blunt and aggressive with me. So, as a clerk I just have to say “yes, sir, no sir”.

My office has no window like before, is super dark if you compare with my other colleagues. Also, this pseudo manager never gives me work to do, I just do my regular job and sometimes I’m able to do payments, well, before to make the distribution I take a couple of invoices or travel claims and I learn alone, with the supervision of one of my colleagues. As you see is a solitary work which at some point is ok.

Monday morning I came very early in the morning, at 6.30. I wanted to finish to unpack all the boxes, I emptied all file cabinets, I arranged my own ugly and microscopic office, so dark here, I don’t know if my plant will be happy here, I should bring her back home. That plant was my therapist gift. I did all the changes alone and around 11.30 am I was told to go to work with the Director General. Yes, the big boss and I was wearing sport clothes because of the moving. I couldn’t finish to do all the paper work accumulated of 2 days ago. Since I came at 6.30 am I had the right to leave at 2.30 pm.

I went home and there was a freezing rain warning. That kind of warning scares most than snow storm. But finally it wasn’t that bad, the weather is so warm for being Winter. At home I studied as much as I could. Finally, at 6 pm the teacher gave us the paper. 15 questions multiple choice. Complicate and wordy, then 5 practical questions…I was petrified when I saw the 3 first exercises….the 2 last ones weren’t that bad. I could see some students couldn’t answer that question, but I tried …and I failed…again.

Most of 80% of students did very well in previous exams…so even if they didn’t get a big mark they’re safe. Everyone who gave back the test, the teacher was greeting  them.I was one of the last one to return my exam. I just left it over the desk and he said “all the best”….Christmas times makes people talk funny things in awful moments. He knew this course was heavy for me. I went to the food court and I cried….and I’m not sure why. I stayed there for a while. My body was cold, I didn’t eat much so I guess that’s why the reason I was feeling that way

It was 8.45 pm when I was at the parking lot. I drove to the library to return some dvd’s and I grabbed “Raising Arizona”. I didn’t finish to watch it, I couldn’t sleep and I woke up at 3 am, of course, this morning I look a mix of hang over and crack addict.

So bad, so bad, so bad….what I failure I can be with maths…and I won’t say anything how I feel about my new office.

Dr. Marko vs The Evil Toochache

I was absent for so long for a painful reason. Dr. Savescu screw my teeth last time. I went to see her twice and last time she made some correction to the high filling she put and she only said to chew with the other side of my mouth. At the beginning, like 2 hours later, I felt not that bad but not that good either. All last week I wasn’t able to eat, I just ate avocados morning, afternoon and night with white eggs. That’s it. The pain was so big that I woke up several times at night. I felt my gums were like balloons and even without chewing, the gums touched themselves producing pain, I felt also kind of salty taste which it means I was bleeding. My Swedish friend minimized the incident telling me to use a toothpaste for sensitive gums, well, she recommended Dr Savescu for the procedure. I had to explained all that happened to me, that was like 5 days in pain and I gave her all details and she hasn’t call me or email me yet.

At the same time, the LGBT group at church was organizing a potluck. To be totally brutally honest, I hate potlucks for just one reason….they start eating at 5pm. As you may know, as an immigrant, I lost my name, I lost my language, I spoke fluently the 2 official Canadian languages, I was victim of racism, I had to sleep on the floor when I moved to Ottawa, I was for some months surviving with pennies, I paid huge taxes, I never had a family doctor just after 8 years, I gave to much to this country….and this country won’t tell me what time to have dinner or whom I go to bed with. NEVER EVER. And there are people who tells one should adapt oneself to the country, I did. Too much maybe, I’m respectful of law, I learned a lot…why they don’t want to learn from me? Well, maybe the law is just one sense, from the hosting country…so I lost, but I have my dinners after 7pm, no question about it.

So, as I was saying, this  LGBT friend from church invited me to potluck, she sent the same email like 4 times, I said no, and she was almost harassing me, but why? why was so important this potluck? A new member from church is lesbian too and her partner, a transexual was coming to visit her, so the potluck was a welcoming. It’s ok, seems nice, but with a toothache, biting or chewing wasn’t in my mind, also, with that kind of pain like that you just want to kill somebody, and I really wanted to kill the dentist. She continued to sending me emails asking “what’s up” “why aren’t you coming?” Damn!! Do I have to explain and give a justification for not assisting to a potluck? Give me a bloody break!!! And as I said, I gave too much to this country and learnt not to inquire that much when somebody says no to something, and there I was, harassed and giving explanations after saying no to a stupid potluck. I was so furious and even when I gave my reasons, she continued saying “give me your phone number!” and in my Facebook I wrote like 3 days ago “Thanks Lima for being such a supportive cat in these toothache painful days”, she sent me another message asking for me, how I was going, it doesn’t look like I want o be alone and in PEACE….OMG, OMG, OMG, if you already heard that lesbians can be stalkers…yes, they are, and they’re PRO’s.

Anyway, at work I spoke with my Nisei colleague and I spoke about my situation, she suggested me her dentist Dr Marko. I wasn’t that sure of the suggestion but I’ve already spent 600$, 2 visits withtou success and well I needed another alternative. Meanwhile, Dr Savescu assistant called me telling me the Dr had room to see me and I said “I’m changing the Dr and also cancel the cleaning teeth in February, I’m not doing business with you guys anymore!”.  I had time that day to talk to Dr. Marko’s assistant, I explained everything, no able to eat, to chew, no sleep, vomiting, pain for 1 week. At some point she said…” I can’t understand you very well” and I said “it’s because I’m swollen” , it’s true, pronouncing was even  impossible. She said “ok, I’m booking you with Dr. Marko as an emergency” , “Is this an emergency?” I said surprised…she replied…”it seems so” and she laughed.

I went that afternoon to her office. What a different atmosphere. Full of people,  technicians everywhere and finally Dr Marko’s assistant came to take my pressure (!!!!) asking me what happened. Minutes later I was laying in the dentist chair, another girl super pregnant came to tell me ” so your friend Joan recommend you here!” Well, my colleague is famous among them. And finally, Dr Marko arrived, tall women, slim and with strange glasses. I spoke everything and I was in pain and she was holding my hand (yes she was!) and was very compassionate about me. She took some x rays, I did some chewing test and she saw the pain was muscular, she determinate the filling was high and did some corrections, gave some Ibuprofen to take for 2 days and antibiotics for a week (apparently there was in infection). She did several tests and made me do some other things to be sure it everything was fine. I noticed after the corrections she did much better. We shook hand and when I went to pay I said to the receptionist….”She is a PRO”. I paid like 200$ but it was worth it. The day after Dr Marko called me!!! Asking if everything was alright. I said yes, and then we’ll see next Tuesday. And just yesterday I received a letter from her giving me all explanations and telling me all that happened in my mouth and in our very first visit…wooow. The only Dr who called me was my veterinarian after my cat was neutered…like 8 years ago….what a service Dr Marko gave.

In all these days I was thinking of my beloved Peruvian dentist…he was awesome, he cured all my teeth, in fact, all my teeth have fillings, all of them. And I’m a person who doesn’t like sweet things, he told me there’re more people sensitive to cavities and the fact I used too much antibiotics when I was a kind made my teeth weak. I was very scary when I went to see Dr Marko not because of the diagnosis, I was scared to need a root canal, thing here in Canada can cost easily like 3000$, while in Peru is like 200$ and my dentist is so good, he did like 3, like 5 years ago.

It’s Sunday, the swollen is almost gone, I was able to chew just yesterday, muscles in my jaw are more relaxed and comfortable…I was able to eat…to smile, to be more positive and of course, happy pain is almost gone. Still, I got my final exam December 10, I was discouraged because I wasn’t able to concentrate in my studies…let’s see what happens next.