After another quiet day at the office, I left earlier. I went to the Ontario Service office for finally get my plate. I got a quote from a company that until now it’s relatively cheap. With that ridiculous printed scanned paper I went there. I see the screen on the wall, it say 35, my number is 42. In less than 5 minutes I woman was really fast and asked me for my driver’s license, asked for several papers, I signed here and there. I bought 2 plates and sticker for 2 years, a total of 155$ went to the debit card.This time everything was very fast, 15 minutes in total. So, until now I don’t understand very well about the sticker but I’ll figure it out in 2 years. If you compare it with Quebec, 1 plate is like 70$ plus renewal per year of over 100$. I don’t forget to renew your driver’s license, something around 80$, everything per year. Your piggy bank becomes a cry baby.
Since I was driving I decided to go to Hull, to my second hand store. Nothing much, nothing interesting but then, there it was! I found a cd from Shirley Horn http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirley_Horn. In fact, I thought I found a disc from Dianne Shuur, the blind singer. I had doubts but I verified the booklet, all musicians were from New York. I took the risk and it’s a real jewel and pleasure for the ears. I bought “May The Music Never End”. The last one she recorded.The perfect scenario for a drive with a sensual sunset in the horizon.
After, I decided to go to another store. Ok, my gay people, I got a question for you guys? Do you recognize that look that puts you a gay label on you? I got that look from an old guy, inside his 4X4. He not only was staring at me but I felt he was scanning me with his look, his eyes of disapproval. Was my Flash t-shirt? Was my dyke look? My short hair? My….what? I looked at him and I said “what?” And the guy continued to scan me. I won’t say it was pleasant but bothers a lot, specially when you love your hair cut. I did myself, so more merits but not everybody found it nice. I guess the label I received from that guy was more “what’s that?”.
It was funny to receive my plate from Ontario, I was happy to got it finally, happy to have my silly sticker for 2 year there, but the last label….was….I don’t know. I didn’t think that much. But at some point in Hull/Gatineau you’re visible, remarkable when on the other province you’re totally invisible.
Have you ever felt that sensation when you walk on the street and you think or feel everybody is looking or staring at you? And the contrary sensation, that you walk like a phantom, invisible, imperceptible, ignored, you don’t exist for some minutes or at least the time that takes you walk in a particular direction. What does it hurt the most? Do you care? I sometimes do, sometimes, and for a very strange reason like today, I didn’t behave in a aggressive way, knowing what happened last weekend. I responded to the guy, thing I usually never do, I pretty sure all the events of moving, paperwork, calling brokers promising to call me back with a quote, I think just wanted to react to, for me, was fair and legal.
I will finish this post with another Morrissey’s lyrics. “They said they respect me, which means, their judgment is crazy.”
Tomorrow my post will be more intimate, it will be the first time I’ll be more open to my gender. It’s a nice and funny contradiction. My therapist asked for my blog, she wanted to read it but I refused to give her the name. Sometimes be naked, not physically but more emotional or the most you hide to other people, things like sexuality or gender, sometimes I feel more comfortable writing it here, where almost anybody can check, read, judge, be on my side or against me. But I prefer the invisible and unknown public, able to read only English, to be part of my inner me. I never talk to anybody about those subjects, only to gay people, not even my therapist…despite in her family there’s a guy member. I don’t know, I really I don’t know.
I, Me and Myself. Yours truly.