I forgot this morning my paper with all insurances companies I had to call….damn, anyways, it’s Friday and since the service is so bad in Ottawa I just took day off for doing my painful research. Around 11 am I decided to go back to that Thrift Store and buy some other cd’s, today was 50% less, that means 1$. So, I tried to check this time if the cd’s corresponded with the case….first try, Sinead O’Connor “I do not want what I haven’t got”, when I opened the case, Sarah MacLalan was there. So, first down, I checked The Saint OST, good one, I had it but it was damaged and without case so I bought this one, Cruel Intentions OST, ok, cd was there, Annie Lennox “Medusa” ok as well. I though I found Apocalyptica and I picked and opened and verified…for me was ok. When I put the cd in the car for playing….no cellos, no violins or any string instrument. Wasn’t Apocalytpica? No, it was Apotygma Berzerk, a Norwegian band, as all famous Scandinavian bands, the sound was a mix goth, dark, synth pop but it wasn’t that bad….ok, it was my fault, I just read Apop..and the color was shaded so I couldn’t read all the word and I assumed it was Apocalyptica. Snif snif snif another mistake.
I was feeling very sleepy since I was studying till late for my exam. My friend on Skype suggested me to go to a gay bar. To be honest I found it a bad idea in my mood. That afternoon I went to do some groceries, I spent less than 10$ broccoli, fruits etc, some things can be very cheap in Ottawa contrary to the stereotype. I went to Hull to find some used cd’s and I found Beck, the Odelay, L7, my favorite girl group of the 90’s, U2, “All that you can’t leave behind” and the Blink 182 greatest hits. Interesting combination, and after I went to buy a bluetooth device for my cell….second I buy so far and it doesn’t work! I’m checking online what the problem could be, I will try later. That part of the day finished around 8pm.
Back at my apartment the tic tac in my head was more intense, a kind of soft anxiety was embracing me but I was feeling sleepy. So, I forced myself to wash my brain and push to go outside. I went to my closed, I found my grey pants and my white shirt. Pretty fancy. I looked into the mirror…I saw a few white hairs saying “nararanaraaaa we’re all here” I gave a kiss to my cat and I forced me again to open the door and go outside. I went to the bank and I took out 20$ just in case. I was driving for some parts of town before reaching downtown. I was in the Little Italy, it was almost 9.30pm, the streets were desert, empty, some smokers ostracized were smoking out side of some restaurants and bars. Probably it was too early but I was sleepy I didn’t want to go out at midnight. In downtown, at Elgin street the panorama was totally different, the great challenge was to find a parking spot. After turning twice I found a little space in Frank St. Well, here I’m.
In Elgin st. the population was under 27 years old, yes, the little dinosaur of me was walking among those young half dressed bodies. Some hostess were outside, there was a little one the when she saw she did like the others in street….completely ignored me. In fact, that’s a very common phenomena. For all those lesbian who go to a bar alone, being ignored is the most painful part of going out, thing that discourage anybody. I started looking for a bar, all terraces were full of groups of people, most friends, some couples, some old, old, old friend talking about delicate issues and you see that because they’re not smiling just talking seriously, although, you don’t choose an Irish bar to discuss those topics, but anyways, they were doing it. At some point I decided to went back on the same sidewalk, this time I wanted the hostess ignores me because I was feeling ashamed to return without no perspective at all. Everybody was in groups, nobody was walking alone, correction, I was walking alone. I checked in my Android for the gay bar Flamingo, when I was at the right place there wasn’t any sign, only an ad saying Era. It was 10pm so I guess the bar was closed. Too early, when you get up at 6 am and start working at 7am your body gets use to that timing and around 10pm or 11pm you feel knocked out. I was feeling that way. I went to another Bar and the parking situation was worse, I saw 2 women outside sitting and talking to each other smoking….not very tempting to go inside. I drove twice for finding a spot without any luck, probably was a sign. I sign to crash the bed.
My other option was going to Byward Market where all the alcohol concentration is measured for noise and drunken partisans walk around. Without mentioning parking is nonexistent, well, exist but you have to pay twice as the normal rate. So, mission aborted. In my way back I was playing Dave Matthews Band “Some Devil” it was the best soundtrack for this little aborted adventure.His music was kind of relaxing but also kind of sad talking about relationships, this album keeps the same rhythm, some elements of fusion and jazz are present which makes it more pleasant, relaxing and solitary, yes, that’s the term, peaceful but solitary which it doesn’t mean depressing, it was reflecting what I was feeling. Let’s face it, in a bar which it’s a kind of disco music is too high and noisy, so eventually if you want to meet somebody I don’t think it’s the place. But in the other hand you can yell each other, probably a way to know how your future partner will react in a fight. So romantic.
Should I try today Saturday?