Adjustments, Adaptation and Other Things When You Start (Again and Again)

I moved officially last Saturday and there are just few boxes in my living room, which now looks like a soccer field. I realized most of my stuff, like chair, stereo, cd’s are in one side, the opposite side there 4 boxes in the corner, the fan and in front of the window, my glass bistro table, that I used to have in my balcony in Hull.

Everything looks different. Yesterday I got scared and I had the after effects of the moving. It was premenstrual syndrome, or post birth syndrome. You cry, you regret what you did, what you chose or that it would have been better not do anything about it. In other words, I regretted to have moved. I was scared in my apartment, trying to remember where I put the things that were before in Hull, the outlets are distributed in different directions, I moved the coffee maker twice and the mattress as well, I didn’t find it functional. Now I see the my  reference point was Hull, and I missed. After 2 years living there, that was my universe and comfort zone. I felt like a kid, the noise of neighbors, the smell of cigarettes (despite is forbidden in the building), I don’t know, I got terrorized and I wanted to go back. Of course it was childish.

The cigarette smell in the corridor was strong for my standards. I put scotch tape in one side of the door because smell filters, also at the bottom, the difference was incredible. I also put in the opposite corner a kind of Glade.

I think the neighbor upstairs is an alone man, because every night I feel lightly a bit of vibrations in on of the wall, in the other side, beside me, I think is the kitchen because yesterday I heard some casseroles noises. I got scared, I don’t like noises at all. But let me tell you something, when I lived in Montreal, some apartments you could hear everything, when somebody was in the bathroom (all kind of noises possibles were audible) when people had sex, when they talked (all dialogues were audible as well) everything, everything, you could hear everything. In Ottawa, insulation is much much better but is not perfect. Still you can hear when somebody walks above, which is not a drama, but in the bedroom, it should be peace and love, but is not. Yesterday night I moved the mattress in the very middle of the walls, usually I place in one side to rest my back in type with my laptop, now in the middle, I just put the thing and watch it when I lay there.

I spoke to my friend in France, they told me everything went to be fine, that is just adaptations, do adjustments here and there. I feel a bit better today, but not totally comfortable. I feel more immigrant than before. I haven’t explore the neighborhood yet, just with the car. I’m just 5 minutes from work, I have to repair the flat of my bike and not be that lazy.

The gay pride is going to be in August. I don’t know if I’ll go. I should participate, I said that every year, I should dare a bit more. I want to meet people. In fact, meeting people is easy, to development a friendship is other thing.


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