Hope Always Makes You Wait

More than 3 months in that shitty tribunal, more copies, more documents to be treated or processed, more reverence to big lawyers, more hearings to be held…more time there.

I had an interview a month ago for a position and yesterday I received a letter saying I didn’t know several things for working in that position…so…I was reading my cards periodically and everything seamed normal and ok…but no, I failed. I was very down and depressed, I’m still down, I planned to check some car dealers but I don’t have much energy to do no matter what. I tried to cook my own pesto and it was another disaster.

I’m still waiting for Agriculture, since I’m in their pool….will they choose some day? I mean, at least this year…I don’t think so. I lost of my hope…plus, Summer is almost gone, everybody was taking vacations, it was very hard to talk to people, nobody is available. I think what it hurt me the most about that letter is the possibility to meet a new girlfriend. The cards said I would meet her in that job but everything is gone.

I went downstairs, where the landlord has her business. I talked to one employee to see if she could make some modifications to my pants…while she was taking my measures she told me she went to a party yesterday…that she was feeling tired and her boyfriend was talking to a very sexy girl, his ex girlfriend…of course, she was feeling jealous, that they were sleeping on bed without saying anything… I just wanted my pants fixed and there I was playing Dr. Phil.  I felt bad for her…but what could I do?

Three days ago I felt a kind of panic attack, not a real one just the feeling I’m scared, I need to move or do something, I cannot sleep because of job stress and my unhappiness. My cat feels the same, she became my own mirror.

I wish somebody could read future, at least give more hope.

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