Well, it’s almost 3 months since I started that nightmare called job at the Tribunal. This afternoon, on skype, a friend of mine reminded me it’s 1 year I live in Ottawa, kind of, 10 minutes from downtown.
Since a week I feel the sensation I feel totally alone, well, it’s more than a sensation, I’m alone. I’ve already cried, I drunk beer like never before, I smoked cigarrettes with my neighbour and i called my father twice this week…more miserable impossible. I don’t dare to go downtown and see all couples, families, friends hanging together…and me? Carring my cellphone with my cat’s picture on it.
I was watering my plants, small beans and pesto, smell so good those plants. I’m a zero for gardering, feeding a cat is simpler for me. After watering for 2 days consecutively, I decided to go for a walk and pamper myself in a café. For me, things are simple, salty or sweety. So, I decided to buy a sandwich, chicken and pesto. My God, I should ask for the chicken’s death certification…so old. The most exotic thing in my bread was the pesto, but still, I paid 6$ for that ridiculous untasty thing 6$. Before going to that café, I wanted to go to KFC and buy an unhealthy chicken, greasy French fries…and holding that sandwich, looking at it, staring at it…why I always choose for the good things when I really want the bad things?
I came back to my appartment, nobody to talk on MSN, or Facebook or Skype…so, I checked that website Craiglist, I went to the section Women to Women…and in the most pathetic way I replied an ad, a crazy one. So, things go really bad at work, at my personal life, my cards say everything is going to be fine….but nothing moves….I lost my smile and my faith…
I should buy a car