A Looking-Back-Summary

When I went for the interview for this job,at  the library, I felt a strange sensation…like I was watching a kind of summarizing of my working life.

People say when you are about or just near to die you see your life like a movie before your eyes in just seconds. I had the sensation…but I wasn’t dying…well, I was dying to have that job because of the salary and the possibility to continue to develop my emaciated financial skills. The library was shinny despite it’s in a basement. Well illuminated, with wooden furniture. I cannot describe the sensation I had that very first time. I saw the front desk  with apparently a librarian an a techinitian…it was like being at the National Library of Québec, my very first job in Montreal, Canada…but posh…not as the immigrant clerk.

I saw lawyers doing research…just like me when I worked doing research for  sociologists, historians, my ex bitch and myself. I remember looking into 18th century dictionaries looking for old definitions, doing research at National Archives, doing paleography, at searching for notaries’ papers.

I saw several clerks, most of them students, picking books up from the tables…just like I used to do at the library on ground-floor, some others pushing the bookcart or classifying books etc. The same clerks work at the mail room, I worked once in a place like that in downtown…on the back of the mailroom, technician’s cubicles are installed…all of them with computers and always with the librarian software on, it looks like DOS of the 80’s, not friendly and boring to death. I remember at the library clerks dreamt on being techinitians…the main privilege is not classifying books and not doing customer service…in Montreal, doing customer service is a way to pay for all your sins, there are such  crazy clients out there.

I noticed, like at the National Library, there’s a division, support and librarians, who are coincidently the mini bosses and because I’m the Director’s assistant I don’t belong the library support. It’s a bit difficult to reach them, well, also I’m always writing e-mails and helping or trying to help the Director or with my neighbour trying to pay incredible invoices.

Now I’m on the other side, the side I never thought or imagine to be. Before leaving that day after my interview, I got the strange sensation this summarize of my working life was a sort of prelude to a new beginning. Nothing is casual…sometimes I think this is my last contract. It’s just weird how I feel.

In a library environment is also known women are majority…my neighbour and a gay guy are the only males around, so, if women are majority that means there’re lesbians somewhere…I’m the only one…and as you must know, lesbians are invisible…

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