The Psycho Flashback

I was checking my Facebook as usual and I came by through my Tarot section which said something like…move on, don’t look at your past, go forward. Well, my afternoon was calm, as I like, listening to my favorite radio and all after being some minutes in downtown Ottawa, where I bought my ticket for a lesbian dancing party, I went back home.  

I bought zucchini and I got a free coffee at Second Cup and sat at my futon, as I said, checking online stuff, like bicycles and some adds. My Skype was open and I always show up online. I receive the invation of Isabelle F, my ex therapist….yes, my psychologist. I wasn’t sure she was the person she was saying she was.  I accepted her invitation and I inquired her. she answered “yes”. She told me she was thinking of me, and she wanted to know if things were ok. I say “I thought to talk to you I had to pay you”, she just laughed, I answered “against all odds, yes”. 

The second question was “do you see your ex?” It’s a bit sad that my life, especially my therapist memories of me were linked to my ex. I explained I haven’t seen her and I didn’t want to. That I was scared to death to date but life was good here, in general. I told her I was very surprised to have news from her. When she said she was thinking of me I just replied “did you meet a fucked up lesbian like me?”. She said she didn’t think I was fucked up and she was happy to be there to help me in the recovering past life. In that moment I just said ” I don’t know how to talk to you, you’re not my friend, you’re my ex therapeut” I wanted to tell her I didn’t know what kind of relationship we had but I wasn’t able. She replied she was taught the professional distance was important. It was funny, I was feeling distant from her.

I wasn’t sure what did she want from me. Some news? She got them now. Well, psychologist are weird. She said if it was ok to be like that, keeping that professional distance. I said it was ok. She wished me a good day and me too and I deleted it from my list.   I wasn’t happy to talk to her, just surprised, I don’t know why she contacted me. Well, she said because she wanted have news…but still, it’s weird, it’s more than a year since we talked…at the end she said “I just want the best for you”…me too, life is moving towards an unknown direction, I should be scared but I don’t care so much lately.  

What a flashback


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