I just came from a lesbian activity. Today is the Women’s day, and the lesbian decided to celebrate with several stupid and non sense conferences. Whatever, I was there with two friends of mine, just listening and watching the events. When I’m surrounded by so many lesbian women, especially over 50 years old, I felt a bit lost. Well, when a girl of 25 gives a card saying “we’re making a party for young professionals” you feel you’re less than normal. I mean, here I’m, with almost 35 years, living with roommates, with no girlfriend, no family or friends around, with no sex appeal, with almost no job and lost emotionally speaking.
I realized the criteria for selecting a potential girlfriend has changed. There’re two big, differenced groups in the lesbian community: very young and radical girls and very old and old lesbian activists (from Milk’s generation). The question rises by itself. Where are the lesbians from 30 to 40? In couple, I guess, living their little lives.
I saw a couple of Mexicans, low class, most of them refugees, trying to build a life here. When a new comer arrives, the first thing he/she does is complain about everything. I can’t stand that, I’m sure I did the same when I came but I guess I don’t want to see myself in others.
There was a lesbian chorus singing (it looked like they were pretending to sing) and everyone was clapping their hands. They sang horribly bad, but they’re amateurs. What I hate the most of Quebecquers is they won’t tell you’re bad doing one thing, or you’re ugly or you’re worthless. They’ll smile at you and will be polite with you, but never honest. And with lesbians is worst.
In those situations; what can you do? Not much, just smile and follow the people, yes, you cannot be yourself. I’m tired and sick of lesbian cheap (almost poor) activities. The lesbian community associations have ridiculous budgets while gays have huge contributions and well-organized shows and activities. You see, there is a big difference when you’re a gay boy and a girl lesbian. It’s the division between rich and poor people.
And tomorrow I’ll start a new job, I don’t feel so motivated just nervous.
Wish me luck