Yesterday, I decided to talk about everything I felt since 2 weeks to Stéphane.
I wasn’t easy. I mean, it wasn’t easy to leave my bedroom because I was studying all the time. My roommate told me to go out with him, his girlfriend and Stéph to the cinema, which we did. That was a big step, to go out of the apartment.
I told Stéph that I was feeling many things at the same time. I wanted answers. I asked him if what I saw in Diane was an aura. He told me yes, I saw the first layer of her aura, something like blur, that I gave her a lot of love to see that. When you get concentrated you’re able to see other colors but I wasn’t ready or concentrated to see more. That I wasn’t able to see my ex or send her a letter asking her for my belongings back. He replied me that maybe I got expectations, like seeing her again or to be with her, somehow, yes, he was right. I mentioned my lack of love but contradictorily, I’m a person, after what it happened in my one an only relationship; I let the person to take control of myself. That I’m looking for recognition through the people and not through myself. That despite what I thought, I’m still in the past.
What the lighted candle meant was the hope and to be opened or receptive to new and unknown things. Life was telling me there’re other things outside my window. That I have to visualize me in the job I wanted, with the woman I wanted in the place I wanted and discover my mission on earth. It told him since I was 8 years old I can’t answer that question. Maybe is now the moment. The moment to look for my own inner shine and stay away from my darker side.
I asked about the lines of my hands, if they were determinant or absolute. He asked me take a picture of my hands, both of them. And to take a picture every year and see my right hand lines will change but the left never. We chose our destiny.
To reach the balance between many needs like the job, love, kindness and hope is quite difficult. “One thing at the time”. To be confident, to trust life, to love myself.