There Is A Light That Goes Out

vela2Lately, I’ve been listening songs from Morrissey, the former leader of The Smiths. I love Morrissey, his irony in his lyrics, the hidden messages, his lyrics about gay people, about the church and other things related to physical beauty or ugliness. I mean, ordinary people.

One of the best albums of him, in my opinion, is You Are The Quarry, and particularly the song “I have forgiven Jesus” and “America is not the world”. In this last one, Morrissey says “In America, the land of the freedom, where the president is never black, female or gay”. Well, it was composed before the Obama’svictory. And “I have forgiven Jesus”, he talks about the love and desire he put in a person asking Jesus why  he did that to him and asking him repeatedly  “Do you hate me?”.

Morrissey always talks about the most deficult period of time for a human being, the adolescence, when most of the teenagers feel  rejection because their bodies, beauty, a period when they have even suicidal ideas. In the classic “There is a light that never goes out” he repeats all the time “please, don’t drive home because I haven’t got one anymore”. That feeling to belong somewhere that I had before is gone. I think I’ m looking for myself.

It’s been a week I’m praying in my bedroom. I light a little candle I ask for wisdom, a job, health for my father and mother, to take care of my friends and a lot of strength. Let’s say, the things I care the most.

Yesterday, as usual, I lighted the little candle, I prayed and blown it down. It was 10.30 pm, I felt sleep in 20 minutes, my cat was sleeping with me. It was an ordinary night like the others. I don’t know why but I woke up at 3.30 am…and the little candle was lighted again. I was surprised and I was sure that the light was over when I went to bed. I stood up and I blown it again.

I didn’t feel panic just surprise. It’s the first time that something like that happened to me. I told my story to my friend Stéphane, who was at home till this morning, he believed me and smiled to me. He said the probably meaning of the event was to be open to a new possibility of…light, knowledge, something new.

There are many strange things in life, or at least in mine, I said to me before that I’m confident about life…so, I’ll open my eyes and my heart, something is coming. I think I’m going to find me

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